5 Truths to Remember After a Breakup
1. You are missing a person who no longer exists… or never did.
After a relationship we tend to get hung up on the good times and all the amazing qualities our ex-partner had, instead of seeing the present for what it really is. The person you were in a relationship, situationship, or anything in between with, no longer exists. If they were the most amazing person in the world that gave you everything you could’ve ever wanted, which is rare, then that person no longer exists because they are no longer willing to do that for you. If they had certain qualities that you loved, then you have to remind yourself of the things that did not serve you and remember that the good things they can offer, again, no longer exist for you.
If you’re like me, you missed a person that never actually existed. Getting caught up on someone’s potential is a mistake I think most people make. Of course there were things my partner did that aligned with what I thought his potential was, or I never would have been attached to it in the first place. However, at the end of the day when we broke up, I was mainly missing who I thought he could be and who we could be together if we were different versions of ourselves.
2. You don’t want your ex to come back right away.
For the people who are upset that their ex hasn't come running back right after the breakup, you don’t want that. Majority of the time when your ex comes back right after the break up there has been no room for healing and change. When there isn't time for this, there is no way for you to start a new and healthier relationship because you’ll just fall into the same patterns as before. On top of that, when your ex comes running back immediately, it’s likely coming from a place of lack. They are feeling lonely or scared they can’t replace you. They have not had the time to heal and reflect on the relationship and decide for themselves if you are truly the person that they want to build a future with. Without ample time to work on yourself, reflect, and feel, you cannot be sure that the person from your past is the person you want to build a new relationship with.
3. What’s meant for you will never pass you.
I've always found serenity in this one. No matter what you do in this life, the things and people who are meant for you will never leave you. If they do, they are not for you. They may have just been a lesson or something that needed to happen in order to lead you to what’s meant for you. I’ve also realized that it’s okay to let this person go, because if they are meant for you, they will come back to you. No matter how much time has passed or how much you have moved on, if you two are meant to be together you will be, and if not, you will find what is meant for you once you close this chapter.
4. A breakup always happens for a reason.
This one can go hand in hand with number three. Whatever hurt you are feeling now, is for a greater reason. It may be the hurt that makes you turn your life around and let you become the person you’ve always wanted. It may be the hurt that leads you to something better. It may be the hurt that proves to you that you are strong enough to handle being hurt. Whatever it is, trusting that everything happens for a reason is what got me and all my friends through our toughest heartache, and no matter what the situation was, we all eventually learned what that reason was.
5. Their actions are not a reflection of you.
I personally believe this is the most important thing to remember after a break up. If you are anything like me, you spent your whole relationship and your whole healing phase wondering why someone who was supposed to love you more than anything, made you feel so small. I’ve come to learn that it is not a reflection of me. The unprecedented hurt that someone inflicts on you is a reflection of their inner battles. Hurt people, hurt people. I have found the most comfort in that. No matter what this person may have made you feel, it is not a reflection of your worth, but instead theirs.
