The Cab Light Theory
For those of you that aren't avid Sex and the City rewatchers, the cab light theory is introduced by one of the main characters, Miranda. Miranda explains that men are like cabs, “When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up - boom! That's the woman they marry. It’s not fate. It's dumb luck.” While Miranda introduced this theory in the show, TikTok has rediscovered it years later and is running with it, claiming that men marry the woman that is in front of them when they are ready to settle down, instead of the woman he actually wants to be with. Emotional availability and timing is more important than what the woman herself brings to the table. This theory also indicates that the cab driver (the man) is in control of the trajectory of the relationship, while his partner is merely along for the ride.
Why is this theory so popular? We see more and more on social media the man cheating, saying they miss their ex on their wedding day, or talking about how they lost that one special girl from years ago that they can never replace. This instills the belief in heterosexul relationships that the man is settling for what is in front of him. It shows us that men jump into relationships out of convenience and readiness to take it on, rather than compatibility or love. Which unfortunately, has nothing to do with the woman herself, but instead timing. In addition to that, we see countless women letting their partner have the power in the relationship merely because she loves him or feels comfortable. We are constantly seeing women give up their power to men in relationships and letting them take the lead, proving the second half of the cab light theory.
This may be pessimistic, but I think both men and women are willing to settle for marriage out of convenience. They’re certainly settling for different reasons, but both partners try to ignore the things about their partner that don’t satisfy them out of fear and urgency to get to the next stage in their life. A woman may ignore the man’s ignorance and condescending nature because he is a provider and generally “a good guy”. A man might ignore a woman’s less desirable physical features because she treats him well and will be a good mother, or even vice versa.
This may seem miserable, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. I believe we have some power over who we love, so even if husband and wife settled, that does not mean there has to be a lack of love and appreciation. You do not need to be soulmates to have a happy and healthy marriage. Even then, people who are seemingly perfect for each other still need to put an exorbitant amount of effort in their relationship to make it work. No relationship is easy going, so, soulmates or not, most marriages fail because of a lack of consideration for the other rather than a lack of love. People think the most important thing in a marriage is true love, but who cares about true love when there is no respect, understanding, or appreciation?
As much as I want to believe in true love and fate, the cab light theory may have some truth to it. However, it doesn’t always have to have the negative connotation that it does. It can be daunting, and even disappointing, but it may not always have to be. You can have a long-lasting, loving, and respectful relationship from the cab light theory, if each partner is capable of that. Of course, I hope everyone finds their fairytale ending, and I think many people do, but even then, some of the most successful marriages I know are a product of the cab light theory.
